I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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