If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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