I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
