We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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