dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
