Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
