I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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