Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
