I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
