Yo dont text me then not text me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
