96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
