I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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