I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
