I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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