About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
