Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
