He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vodka?
Forever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
