well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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