Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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