People with herpes should wear stickers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
