just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
