i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
