I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
