The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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