How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
