So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
