So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
