How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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