I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
