five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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