sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
