someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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