dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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