alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
