apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
