sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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