I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you had me at cake vodka
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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