Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As shirtless as possible
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
