Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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