We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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