just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
