I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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