Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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