all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
