Will you blow on my dice?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
