a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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