new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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