my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
