Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
