whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
