my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
