Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
