you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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