hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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