Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
