Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
