My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
