She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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